The way to the middle is in between.

So I was let off work early after eating at a Halloween carry in. I feel immense pressure whenever I'm in line for those things. Like the weight of the world is hovering on your shoulders the minute you step in the line. People's eyeballs grow laser cannons that pierce the very pores in the back of your neck. Pick your food and hurry. No one picked the cookies I brought in. It didn't help that they were practically hidden! Geesh. Well I have nothing else to write and am trying to decide whether to play my video game (FF 12) or finish my book (The Dark Tower 2). I think I'll go read. My book has gotten all jacked up! I'm sure it will only continue from there.

Uncomfortable...so uncomfortable.

Recently, in an issue of Enertainment Weekly (yes it was the one with people from the Office on it) they explored the issue of the most uncomfortable TV moments ever. Number one? David Breant giving his motivational speech to a crowd of strangers. While that was hard to stomach, I recently came across my own personal uncomfortable TV moment brought to you by the Daily Show. For some insane reason, Lynne Chenney agreed to be on the program. She came out, first of all, carrying a Darth Vader doll for John Stewart proclaiming it was an old family heirloom. John seemed stumped. She was there to talk about some stupid book she wrote about living in Wyoming but the topic did veer away from that. He tried to press her on how she felt about being involved in a political party that openly dismiss people like her own daughter (who is gay). She sorta skirted the question, but gave somewhat of a satisfactory answer. Then they started talking about if Dick Cheney at home is good at admitting when he is wrong. And that's when it got into horrible uncomfortable territory. She was getting a little put off and I found myself flipping back and forth really fast unable to watch as the conversation then veered into American priorities. I didn't hear exactly what she said something that made the audience moan with disapproval. Somehow she ended up saying something about how America's priorities didn't involve terroist attacks on other countries or something. It was painful. Everyone was pained. I was pained.

Cold air=depression.

I really like this picture although it is huge. So maybe it won't look to great and fuck up the beautiful feung shey...(I know I spelled that wrong)..of my site.

Winter is steadily coming. It's kinda cold outside and winter is the best time to sit back and reflect. And remember. Remember what it was like winters ago. Ages ago it seems. I am different now. In a different shell. In a different persona. Yet not all that different after all. Do people change more than I do? Does the world drift around my head without taking notice? Does it matter that my simple being on this planet effects at least something in the ripples of the future? Because it does. I might be a piece of shit on the side of the road, but someone has to step over it. Hahaha...I'm tired.

Damnit! Now I made the pic small and now you can't read it. The bottom part says, "Sand is over rated. It's just tiny little rocks."

A sentence or two about my sister.

My sister Kristin is the best sister in the whole wide world. And since she's the only person reading this right now, I just thought I'd say you rock the mic, MC KD. Oh, boy...really though...remember singing R.Kelly to each other. Although I think I was the one doing most of the singing. Remember that video? With him in the field and stuff up on a little ladder thing. Not even a full grown ladder, just a midget one. Just high enough so he could gaze upon the amber waves of corn. What did that have to do with Spacejam the movie? Or the song? Do you think of corn when you're flying? Or popcorn? Maybe that's how it ties in with the movie. And his crazy hand movements-I had them down pat. Oh, R.Kelly...there's a chick at my work that said she would let him pee on her anytime...it was disturbing...

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (Is it wrong of me to admit that I actually kinda like this song....I think it is...)(Hoo!)

David Brent Vs. Michael Scott: Who Would You Rather Work For? (Part 2)

Michael Scott: Everyone loves Michael Scott? Right? Right? Right. Are at least Michael likes to think so. In some sort of way, maybe everybody does. Except for Ryan though, I think he would like to stick a pitchfork in him. Dwight adores him with such unsurpassed loyalty he would sell his toes to science if Michael becomes too hard up for money. And everyone else seems to be able to tolerate him to some degree. That seems to be a big difference between Scott and Brent. (Ah, I love how they have first name, last names) No one wants to tolerate Brent. They will ignore him and his totally inappropriate comments where as Michael's employees will engage him to some degree. I suppose though you have to engage someone who is threatening to jump off a roof or kidnapping a pizza delivery kid. When Michael does his booze cruise dance it's not quite as humilating. At least it was motivational. When David does his charity dance there is utter silence. You feel for Michael because he honestly is a good guy who just has an askewed view on things going on around him. He'll freak out when it's discovered that a black man in the office went to jail, not because he went to jail, but because he doesn't enjoy the stereotype. He's the last one to point the finger at that guy, because it is wrong to assume it is the black guy just because he's black. But he has trouble seeing that maybe it is that guy because he's the sort of guy who went to prision once. (I can't remember why it was...) David Brent makes a joke about a black man and his...junk...and can't understand why others would find it so offensive if the one black guy in the office didn't. Michael wears his heart on his sleeve. In subtle ways he conveys thoughts and feelings we all have, albeit in a graceless way at times. And he cries alot. When he was crying to the girls at the mall about Jan didn't you feel like coming to his defense and telling Jan to leave our little Michael alone. He's a little boy in a hairy man's body. (Pam can attest to that.) And we love him. Maybe just a little more than David Brent. Although David does have the better one liners and the better hand movements. Still even David has his moments where you truly feel for the guy.

Cartoons suck...

Why do cartoons now of days suck? Why can't they be like the Gummibears? The poor kids now of days. Man, we had it good. Even that theme song kicks ass. Now of days cartoons have to be "educational" and have a "point to them". Man we used to watch a mush up of the best jibberish ever. Now it's like Dora and Diego. Who do a lot of screaming. All though there is Spongebob. That shit is extremely wacked out. Almost more than Ren and Stimpy. Is that possible?
My friend Alison and I were drunk and trying to remember weird cartoons we used to watch. I remember being extrmely upset when they took Gummi Bears off the air. I was like in kindergarten or something and it really distressed me.

David Brent Vs. Michael Scott: Who Would You Rather Work For?

If were going to make this a competition, it has to be a competition of wills, of minds, of philosophies. So let's take one at a time.
David Brent: Sure he's a little tubby and comes to acquire the nickname Bluto (from Popeye)(which is really a good nickname!). But isn't he just adoreable in his leather jacket and boots. Always ready to turn on his employees, but always desperate to please. It just seems like his British underlings have the most minimal of respect for him. No one wants to have anything to do with him and try there best to avoid him at any cost. What is it about this man that makes him so loveable? Really at times he is not quite as loveable as Michael Scott. If it comes down to him getting in trouble or being able to blame it on someone else-he's on it. But his desperate attempts to be liked, which is all he really cares about, strikes a cord somewhere deep in everyone's psyche; making his crying attempt to keep his job extremely heart wrenching. The office is all he has. Three years later after being laid off (made redundent, which I'm still not sure what that means) he still comes to the office to chat with his former coworkers...whether they like it or not. Finally though, he comes through and proves himself to be a rather wonderful human being after all and not just the whipping boy he had allowed everyone to make him, even his supposed best friend.

I'll comment more on this great debate, but man, I'm trying to drink some beers and need to concentrate.

The Office and The Office.

Both of the Offices are awesome.

Sleep, that one frontier I never go to.

Hunter S. Thompson used to say that sleep sucks. Or something to that point. I'm sure he was much more poetic than that. (Probably "Sleep sucks cock and balls.") So he slept very little. Which is the case for me now of days. I don't remember the last time I've slept a good 52 hour week, which was mandatory for me. Now I'm lucky if I get 25 hours of sleep. That is the price of working third shift. I don't know why I keep getting these oddball jobs that place me with oddball people and oddball situations. Like pizza delivery. Man, there were some awesome people I delievered pizza too. Not that I don't like the people at my job. They're all pretty awesome. (Except sometimes I can actually feel my teeth grinding when some of them speak.) But third shift people are just weird. It takes a different set of balls to work third shift...and to stay awake. Like now...I should be asleep...but I can't. Come 11 o'clock I'm gonna be chugging some nasty watery coffee. Man, why do things that are free have to suck? Why can't we get a Starbucks machine at my work and the coffee from that, be free? Aaaahhhh...ranting to no one at all.
He was quite the handsome fellow.

Video games suck.

Why are video games so addictive? Why do I feel I need to waste my life on one little game? Especially the Sims? What do you get out of that crap? I remember the Atari. There used to be this game where you had to go and find the key to the castle or something. You were a little square wandering around in a seven color world. So you would be (walking? how does a square walk?) minding your own business. And then snap! A horrible looking dragon thing would come out and chase you down, snapping at you until you were resting comfortably in it's stomach. Well it wasn't exactly horrible looking, but it was scary for a five year old. Or maybe just to me. The whole concept of someone chasing you (even a pixalated dragon) freaks me out.
So I didn't enjoy the Atari too much but I just had to get the Nintendo. God, I was in love. I used to fake sickness so I could play. My mom would find me playing after faking my horrible disease and walk out sighing. I really remember her doing that one time. Dr. Mario we made a family game. Piting family memeber against family member in a do or die situtation against rogue plague diseases. Aw, good times.
Later on, when the Super Nintendo was pimpin' it. I became obsessed with Final Fantasy 3. I mean, who didn't? That game, to this day, is the best game in the series. Now of days they're just confusing. Amazingly beautiful, but confusing. This had an easy enough story line to follow, beautiful music (I had the soundtrack, beat that you nerd!), the best characters (like twenty billion of them, yet all their own seperate story lines were wonderfully flushed out and full), and by far the best video game villian...can I say...ever? (Poisioning a whole town, killing Leo, that evil laugh, that come hither stare, Kefka was a pimp...an evil pimp...I guess most pimps aren't very nice though) Anyway, many hours of my life were spent on that crap. I feel like suing Squaresoft. But then again I can't. They gave me Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana. Some of the best games ever.
Well now we come to today. I think there is a major problem with video games now. You raise all these kids from like five years old, playing video games. Come out with better systems, cooler games, (has anyone played Twilight Princess?) and then expect us as adults to lead lives and have jobs and take care of our kids. What's up with that crap? Was I supposed to at age 20 give up my love for video games? Was there a cut off point I wasn't aware of? I just played the Wii the other day and my son was involed in two separate Wii accidents already. (He got smacked in the arm and smacked in the back of the head...were good parents.) What am I supposed to do? When he's graduating from college is it expected of me to stop playing video games? Will he hate me because I spend more time on his Playstation 300 then he does? Will I be playing "Legend of Zelda for Cripes Sake Save Me Link" when I've 93?
I hate you video games! Damn you to hell! And then catch me online watching Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children.

Following in my sissy's footsteps.

So I've started this more for myself than for anyone else. I doubt anyone will read this. But I remember a time in my bygone youth where I could write down every stupid thought that came to mind with as much ease as I can drink a beer now. Then one day it was gone. I don't remember the day exactly. It was kind of like the day when I realized I couldn't play pretend anymore. Or the day when I realized, "Wow, how am I ten years old already? This is going by fast."
And now 15 years have passed. And I have a child and a job and dishes to do. Never do I have the time to sit and write; not that the words have come to me as of late. It's like the spring of any of my worthy thoughts has dried now and I've become so obsessed with the normalities of life I've forgotten how to express any feelings or daydreams I have. Not to say I don't still daydream. Shit, I would be dead if I didn't daydream. Bitch, I daydream all the time. Like it's going out of style. But I haven't written anything down and the constrants of trying to write a short story or epic American novel is too much for me. I've never been able to do it and I doubt I ever will. (Though the hope still dwells somewhere inside.)
Anywho, I hope to keep up with this. I get to post anything I want. Stupid clips that amuse me. Thoughts that will stupify others. Drunk droolings, tired ramblings. Memories of the good ol' times and those times it feels like God took a dump on me.
Give me encouragement, damn you! Give me inspiration! And the ability to spell....'cause I can't.